I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
