i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
