If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
