i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
