Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
