Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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