Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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