He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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