im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize