i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
