Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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