Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
