He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want nice things and good sex
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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