CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
