I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
