we're chasing vodka with high fives
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Found the puke drawer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
