i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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