I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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