You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
