dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
