i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
