I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
