Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
