if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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