so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
