there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
