Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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