I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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