the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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