forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
