oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
