Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
