My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
