Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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