I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
