please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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