Can Purell be used as lube?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
