some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
