you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
