i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
