the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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