she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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