Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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