Don't you send me to vm
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
