Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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