im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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