I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
