I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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