wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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