She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
