you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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