my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
