apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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