Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
