I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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