I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
