its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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