I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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