Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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