I wannas sexs uuuuu
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
