He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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