I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
