He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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