i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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