Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
